Friday, December 31, 2010


The blackness is creeping
I can feel it at my edge
The question is not if but when
I'll topple over the ledge

And so I'll smile
Like a Burton creation
My zombie like movements
Mimic those of claymation

Walk with me
Keep the clouds at bay
Positive thoughts
Keep the storms away

Love surrounds me
My armor is in place
Like a curled up armadillo
I'm ready for what I have to face.
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Everything will be different
In 2011
This is the year in which
I'll be 27

New memories to be made
New pains to endure
New growth to be found
I can taste the allure

So drink the champagne
Pour it on the ground
Fireworks and laughter
Explode all around

It's a time for new beginnings
Lets reinvent the wheel
And start the year
Understanding how we feel

I've got my resolutions
I've got my little path
I'm watching as they pour the sand
Through my hour glass

So Happy New Years
Welcome to 2011
This is the shining year
In which I'll be 27.

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Didn't See That Coming

You've always been different
You stand out in my mind
As the boy who tried to be brilliant
But always ended up as kind

Your vocabulary was impressive
You wanted to be ahead of your time
Everything else was average
But I still held you as divine

Your quirks were defining
Your humor made you fine
I loved your winning smile
And the heart I thought was mine

They say green eyes are lying
Deceitful, evil crones
I never saw it coming
When you stabbed me on our throne

And here I lay now dying
Choking on my love
Looking into your green eyes
As you gag me with a glove.
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Happy New Years

Last year my New Year's resolutions were to maintain a constant gym schedule and to learn how to play that guitar thing in my living room. I have successfully completed both goals. *pats self on back*
THIS YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS are: to get laid (KIDDING MOM), find a unicorn (EFF YOU LADY GAGA IT'S MINE!), and to win the lottery. Totally attainable. I pride myself in having realistic resolutions.

BRING IT 2011!!!!!!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

"Courage is not the lack of fear but the ability to face it."
-Lt. John B. Putnam Jr.
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No Going Back

Got all my possessions
Strapped to my back
No regrets cause I
Can't look back
I walk on but the urge
Is strong
I know I'm on a path
Where the days feel long
My dreams carry my sails
They're the wind taking me home
Even when home is a strange new land

Got all my possessions strapped to my back
Can't stop now cause there's no going back
My dreams carry my sails guess that's all you
Need if you're never gonna fail.

Miss my family
And I want to run home
There are days
When I feel so alone
I look to the stars
Where my dreams sit high
Gotta focus on the pie in the sky

Got all my possessions strapped to my back
Gotta stay strong cause I can't turn back
My dreams are the wind in my sails
That's all you need if you're never gonna fail.

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Tuesday, December 28, 2010

I'm tired of answering the prompted questions. Someone pay attention to me. I'm bored and stranded in Utah!

Gulliver's Travels

My trip to California started at the ass crack of dawn because my parents live in BFE, Idaho and I have to take a two hour bus ride to the airport. The difference was that this time I had my wirey, anxious little Grandmother as a travel companion. So when we crawled onto the bus at 6 AM, everyone was sleeping. Or I should say, they WERE sleeping. My darling Grandmother hit everyone spinning circles with her bag calling out looking for a seat, and in the process woke up an infant who proceeded to scream for the ENTIRE two hour bus ride to the airport. Needless to say, everyone gave us the hairy eyeball when we got off. She never noticed. She talked the entire time to her seat mate whilst I plugged my ear buds in and let Skrillex ease my pain.
When we finally got to the airport I found out that my flight had been jacked up and booked for January 28th instead of December 28th. So after two hours of finagling with the airlines and two hundred dollars later I had a flight for the following morning at 6 AM. So I packed my shit and headed to a Holiday Inn. As it turns out, the hotel I chose ended up having an indoor waterpark and arcade. It was like an ADD fucking mecca.
To top it all off, my shuttle driver informed me that Utah had just gotten In N Out burger as a franchise. I think it is the new Mormon conversion method, and you know what? That shit works! I was ready to sign up for anything as long as I got more fries.

I love flying.
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Monday, December 27, 2010

This is a first for me
In matters of emotion I'm usually a lush
I'm generally in a relationship
Or involved with some kind of crush
But now I find myself distant
And incapable of feeling
A constant state of dissociation
I run away from loves dealings

I don't recognize this lack of desire
I miss the churning in my chest
The delusional happiness
That comes from deep within your breast
Falling in love is beautiful
I miss the ability to fall
But what I miss the most
Is the ability to feel at all.
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Sunday, December 26, 2010

Country Nights

Sitting here watching
The dancing peaks of light
The sparks get lost
As they race out in the night

I miss the feeling
Of passion or desire
My heart throbs like
The embers in the fire

Seeking something from
The heat and the light
I find solice in a fire
On a quiet country night.
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Friday, December 24, 2010

An Insomniac's Tale

Sleep is an allusion
Just a ripple in the pond
I trail my fingers in the water
As I stumble along
Chasing after the sandman
I'm sure he's nearby
He's probably just forgotten
To tend to my outward cry

But soon I will catch him
And spin him into a dream
Until he is convinced that
Peaceful slumber is what I need
I'll probably find him
By the sliver of the moon
Where I can trap him
With whispers of love
And notions to set the mood
And when I've got him
In my little path
I will beg for salvation
From my sleepless wrath.
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I Need A Moment

I just need a moment
To regroup and transpose
Some silence and reflection
Is what's best for us both

It's all over whelming at times
And my senses burn out
The constant motion and chaos
I just need to turn inward to drown it out

I need to pour my emotions
Onto this worn piece of paper
Until my verbal vomit releases
The tension mounted in my chest
It unwinds like a spindle
I can feel it coming down
As I release my anticipation
And come back to solid ground
My breathing returns to normal
My pulse no longer will race
And my eyes, once clouded with anger
Return from outer space
And here I am to guide myself
Through my written path of release
Just another moment of tension
That writing has helped to cease.

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Wednesday, December 22, 2010


Just in case you were wondering where I have been...I am visiting my parents in BFE, Idaho. My parents have a giant, pillow stealing, bed hogging, blanket taking, walrus-of-a-bloodhound that I JUST ADORE. Her name is Ava. I want ten just like her!!!!!! TEN!

Ava doesn't understand why I stare at her in the car.

I <3 this squishy face!


It's real puuuurrdy here. See?
Happy Holidays!
-The booty shaking pie maker

Thursday, December 16, 2010

OH, and one more thing, I took an intelligence test and I have exciting news! I am not retarded! In fact I am completely average...except in verbal communication and writing skills! In verbal communication I am in the 83rd percentile and in writing skills - prepare yourself - I am in the 99.7 percentile!!!! HOLY SMOKES BATWINKLE!!!!!!

That was a nice surprise!!!!! So basically I am almost 100% better at writing than other people? I think it's kinda biased...but hey, it made my day.

Ok, have a good night. I am going to go back to my flu medicine induced state.

I have the flu and it's finals week.

I got the flu just in time for finals week, YAY! After spending the past four days CRAMMING my head full of knowledge on soil chemistry to the point of brilliance I woke up yesterday coughing and sneezing. By 9 P.M. I was feverish and slightly delusional. I started downing medicine and vitamins in an effort to stave off the beast. I just had to make it one more day until my chemistry final was over and then I could get as sick as I wanted. Unfortunately I found myself hallucinating with a fever and talking to my blinds at 4 A.M. After hacking up a lung and seeing turquoise colored ferrets running up the walls in my apartment I found it was time to take my final. I stumbled to class, opened the exam and puked out everything I have ever known. Then when I got up to turn my exam in, I fell into the table next to me.
After apologizing to the people sitting at the table, I turned in my exam and strode out of the room.

So all in all, I think it went well. You know...overall...

*Face palm*

P.S. I was hoping the ferrets would tell me the answers, they were no help at all.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

A Pictoral Review of the Pub Crawl Shinanegans

The evening started off with this idiot thinking she should bring a camera along...

You know, to provide evidence.

And when you start taking pictures like this one, you should be cut off. Just sayin'.

Or maybe when you end up on top of the bar...with the bartenders...

I don't know whats happening here.

All I know is we had a lot of fun. Probably too much fun. Is that possible?

Yes. Yes it is.


I probably shouldn't put this on the internet.

I have no words for this picture. I think it sums up the evening pretty well though.

I actually have no idea who this girl is...but I have quite a few pictures of you know, I guess I made a new friend.

Cheers for new friends...

2010 Christmas Pub Crawl for Charity

So last night was the bar crawl for charity. Basically we gathered up a large group of people and went to like ten different bars to raise money for charity. There was a rule at each bar (like you had to list the names of Santa's reindeer, or you couldn't turn left or use hand gestures, etc.) and if you broke a rule then you had to take a shot and put a dollar in the charity box. So basically, 17 shots and $100 later I was shmmmmaaaaammmmered.
Just a small summary of what I can remember or have seen in photos taken:
-I made five dollars dancing on the bar to the Big Butt Song by Sir Mixalot. Yeah.
-I humped a wall
-I met a woman who was wearing a santa hat crown. True story. I have documented proof:

She let me wear the crown for a picture. Yes she is wearing a leopard print fur coat.

And this was one of the last pictures I took last night. My tongue is blue from all the shots of blue curacoa based drinks I had. I had a lot of blue curacoa. A LOT.

Which is why I feel so spectacular today...

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Cher - If I Could Turn Back Time [Official Music Video] [HQ]


Black Eyed Peas - Rock That Body (Skrillex Remix)

And my new obsession is....SCRILLEX and everything associated!!!!

Lady Gaga - Bad Romance (Scrillex Remix) (2010) *NEW* *HOT*

When I find music like this, I thank Jesus. Scrillex, you are HEAVEN sent.

Inspirational, but only if you have a Vagina. :D

Another video taken from thebloggess on twitter. What can I say, she's awesome.

This is for my female readers, and for the men who read my blog - give this to a woman in your life for some inspiration. Sometimes this is exactly what girl needs to see.

Now go kick some ass and stuff.

Salami Fighting Association

Found this on's website. I don't really understand what is happening but it's FREAKING HILARIOUS so press play and join the weird kid's club.


Thursday, December 9, 2010

Hinder - Use Me

Another awesome beat. The girls in this video remind me to keep running. (=

Hinder - Without You

This is my warm down song. Ok. No more posts tonight, I need to go to bed.


Saving Abel - Addicted

So I am just now realizing how dirty all the songs on my gym playlist are...LOL! Eh. Whatever, they make me run fast and I love em. :D

Bad Girlfriend Lyrics - Theory Of A Deadman

Another song from the gym playlist. LOVE the beat. This song makes a girl RUN FAST. :D

Nickelback Something In Your Mouth

This is on my gym playlist. It's dirty and I like it. The beat makes me run until I feel like exploding and the lyrics remind me why I need to keep running when this happens. Lol.


Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Little Miss by Sugarland lyrics + download link HQ/HD

I don't listen to country much, cause frankly it's depressing...but sometimes they just hit the nail right on the head, so here is my 'dramatic-pity-party-feel-bad-for-myself-listen-to-when-I-am-down' song of the day.

Now isn't that just bright and cheery, LOL.

Don't worry, I will be back to my normal peppy self tomorrow. Until then, I am going to go to bed :)


Mz. Droopy

Tom Kaulitz playing "Zoom Into Me" [Tokio Hotel] on grand piano

This song is fabulous to me right now. I need to Zoom into anywhere but here. :)

For those of you who don't know, this is the piano version with no vocals of the Tokio Hotel song 'Zoom Into Me.' To me the song is written for the fans who are experiencing hardship and the band is sending the message to just let it go and lose yourself in the music. I am perfectly capable of losing myself right now. (=

Up, Up, Up

I feel the tensil stretch

But when will the wire break

I feel the tension mounting

How much more can I take

This ship is quickly sinking

I cannot bail fast enough

The water boils over my head

I guess I’m not that tough

Just when I think I will collapse

A hand shoots through the mist

A voice whispers in my ear

We’re gonna get you through this

So lift me up up up

And fill my cup cup cup

So lift me up up up

And fill my cup cup cup

Let the love of friends overwhelm me

Let the faith I feel run through

I can make it through anything

As long as I have you

And even though everything

Feels so dark and bleak

I know you are always here

Guiding me when I am weak

So lift me up up up

And fill my cup cup cup

So lift me up up up

And fill my cup cup cup

So many things weigh on my soul

But I refuse to fall into the trap

The world can hurl everything its got

But it will never make me snap

My eyes tell a different story

But my smile is wide and true

And though I feel tested

I still have faith in you

So lift me up up up

And fill my cup cup cup

So lift me up up up

And fill my cup cup cup

So lift me up up up

And fill my cup cup cup

MTV Taiwan - Tokio Hotel interview in Malaysia Part 3

Bahahahahahahaha! Listen to the boys talk about the odd things they are asked to autograph...cracks me up. Their accent is awesome, it makes everything ten times funnier. Guaranteed if a guy with an American accent said 'naked boobs' I would probably just think he was retarded.

Love them. I needed this laugh today. :)


Grandma Mouse got her treatment diagnosis today...she goes in for a lumpectomy next week and then starts chemo. They are doing a biopsy on her glands next week as well to see the extent of the cancer. We're all praying that they caught it early.
In worse news, my Grandma Sandy had a minor stroke today. She is talking fine and the only side effects are the numbness she is experiencing in her face and one side of her body. They upped her medications today and she is having other tests run to make sure she doesn't have any other clogged arteries. I know I am asking you to do this a lot but please keep her in your thoughts and prayers as well? There are no words to express how much these women mean to me.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Dead Week...the loving term used for the week before final exams.

This week might be the end of me. I feel exhausted on all fronts, but I am doing my best to keep a smile on my face and to keep thinking positively. I couldn't help but love this picture when I found just really sums up my week perfectly. I find it ironic that this is 'dead week' at school. I truly feel dead...dead tired, dead emotionally, dead, dead, dead. I really shouldn't use this word since there are so many morbid things in my life right now...but I had to see the humor in this picture. Hopefully you do as well.


(Image is taken from

Enya - Anywhere Is

I am at the lab again, another week of working late. I'm a bit overwhelmed by school and work right now so my music preferences are changing to suit my mood. This song is PERFECT. It's the perfect stress relief...just what the doctor ordered...

It's no secret that I am a dedicated Tokio Hotel Fan. I love their music, flew half way around the world to see them in concert and I use their characters in my short stories. I am a regular visitor to their fan forum because I enjoy reading the other fan fiction stories posted there and I love talking to other people in the fandom. The TH Fandom is really amazing, it never ceases to amaze me how people from the entire world can pull together in this one place. The fandom spans Russia, Europe, Iceland, Mexico, Peru, Argentina, the Phillipines, Japan, China, Africa, USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, etc., etc. Sometimes we don't even speak the same language, but we still unite. The TH Fan Forum is the only place I know of where people from EVERY age catagory, background, walk of life and interest come to one place and harmonize based on the soul fact that we all like the music these four boys produce. It is an amazing thing to be a part of and it's one of the main things (other than the music) that I love about this band. My love for the band goes past the music, and encompasses the feeling of being a part of a community. A community that spans the globe. A community who may not speak the same language, wear the same clothes or live on the same continent, but who continuously unite for the same cause.
The cause that brings us together often changes - maybe it's to ensure that Tokio Hotel gets enough votes to win an EMA, or maybe it's for something larger like pulling together a website to send grains of rice to impoverished companies in Tokio Hotels name. Maybe the cause is as simple as supporting something that the boys stand up for, like HIV awareness. The band designed memorabilia/clothing that was sold to profit an HIV awareness campaign. Whatever the cause, great or small, the fandom pulls together to support the band.
Unfortunately, with every fandom there are 'extreme fans' who insist on stalking the band and invading their privacy. What I love about this fandom is that we make a huge and concerted effort to make it known that the fandom as a whole DOES NOT SUPPORT this type of conduct. There are a gazillion forum threads going on and on about what appropriate fan behavior is and how the only time the band should be approached is at autograph signings and concerts. Beyond that the fandom as a whole insists that the boys have their privacy. Why? Because we care. Because even though 99% of us will never and have never met these four fantastic boys, we adore them and we want them safe.
Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to meet them, but you won't see me staking out their house or following them wherever they go. That's crazy, that's rude, and you need to remember that they are human beings and even though they are REALLY ridiculously good looking, they deserve their time away from the fandom. They deserve time to be real people and not the glammed up rockstars they are required to be during concerts and interviews.

What is the moral of my story? To you wanky bastards who are stalking the band since their recent move to LA, quit trying to get photos of their new house. Quit trying to post the address online. Quit harassing the band by driving by, camping outside or taking pictures of their residence. If you are as big a fan as you claim you are you can go to an autograph signing session or a concert. Or if you think you might die if you don't see them in the next five minutes, stare at this picture and get over it:

(Photo taken from



P.S. Here are other healthy ways to enjoy the band: join the fan forum, read Tom's blog @, watch Tokio Hotel TV on youtube or order the DVD, listen to their music, read the interviews they do in magazines such as GQ, Vogue, etc.

P.P.S. If I ever see them walking down the sidewalk I am going to mentally hyperventilate and duck tape myself to a wall so I don't approach them. It will take pretty much every ounce of mental strength I have to not stare, drool or throw myself at their feet...but I will do it. Then when they are out of sight/hearing I will squeal like a small child and do about 9,000 butterfly claps. I'm glad we had this talk.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

The Pretty Reckless - Panic (studio)

Love it. JUST lurve lurve lurve this band.


The Pretty Reckless - Just Tonight

I still hate roses. FYI.

Anyways, I FREAKING LOVE THIS SONG and I CAN'T STOP SINGING IT. Also, I keep watching the video and thinking that her and Bill Kaulitz would make a cute couple and that there is something about the imagery that I like even though it's a bit cliche.

K. Bye.

Saturday, December 4, 2010 was time to change my blog header. I got a little carried away in Photoshop with this one...but I don't care cause I am generally ridiculous, so a ridiculous blog header fits me perfectly. Hope you all are having a fantastic weekend. I got TONS crossed off my to do list and I feel very productive!


The Verbal Vomit Master


The Winters in Kentucky are a bit different than what I am used to in California! Thankfully, I have a lot of warm clothes, awesome hats and hot chocolate to keep me warm! Wishing you all a fabulous Saturday!

Things I am grateful for today (this post is inspired by
-My amazing family
-My down comforter
-Mohawk hats
-Beautiful fluffy snow, there is something about a fresh snow that makes me feel renewed!

What are you grateful for today?

Kate Voegele - 99 Times

Let's find ourselves a fun beat to cheer us up, shall we?? As worried as I am about my Grandmother, me sitting around mopping isn't doing her any favors. So today I am at the lab, working on my research, getting a lot of homework done and trying to keep my mind busy...

Let the snow fall all around me

My feet are the mallet

Creating a white canvas

Where I use myself as the palette

My eyelashes strip away

To a butterflies wings

Shaping the trails

Where my heart dare sings

My dreams are the sails

On my ocean of hope

Because this imaginary land

Is the route I use to cope.

These are the lessons

life’s little reminders

that nothing’s forever

so take off your blinders

Don’t take it for granted

because life is so fragile

and the love that you share

is utterly crucial

You think you have time

so you put off the call

but the years slip by

and you miss it all

I haven’t been an attentive Grandaughter

and now our time is being ravaged

I can’t take back my mistakes

but there are memories I can still salvage

I’ve spent so much time dwelling

when all along the only answer

was to accept our differences

because now she’s being taken by cancer.

Just remember how precious

your family truly is

because you never appreciate them

until you hear of something like this

and how sad that it takes

this kind of reminder

for us to remember

to reach out and find her.

In every family

there is some kind of tension

Just accept your differences

and ignore the apprehension

because your time together

can change in an instant

and life’s only promise

is to never be constant.

Grandma Mouse

We call her Grandma Mouse because when she gets mad she starts squeeking. She has a high pitched voice to begin with, but my Great Grandmother's is even higher. Grandma Mouse is about 5 foot tall, quite top heavy and has short, curly, wild hair. She has these tiny little bird legs holding her up, God only knows how because they look like little twigs compared to her bust. She redefined the term 'independent woman.' My mom and I lived with her when I was really little, about 45 minutes out of town. Grandma Mouse never liked living in town, she prefers to be alone with about 9,000 animals surrounding her. She is in her 60s and still bucks her own hay to feed her cattle and horses. She drives a huge flatbed pickup truck and has enough piss and vinegar in her for everyone. I never messed with Grandma Mouse, I was born with respect for her. Beneath her tan wrinkled face and unruly curly hair is a heart of gold though, so don't be fooled by her callused hands. She may be able to curse like a sailor, but she is also the first person to bring you chicken noodle soup when your sick. She was the one to surprise me with McDonalds when she would pick me up from school. She was the Grandma who made me mashed potatoes on rainy days and always made sure I had my rum cake at Thanksgiving.
Grandma Mouse has been my long time hero, and when she told me this morning that she had cancer something broke inside me. Because until today, Grandma Mouse was unbeatable, she was bulletproof. Now I think of my little 5 foot tall Grandmother, alone in California on her 200 acres with no one to help her. I am on the other side of the continent for school and all I want to do is run back to California and take care of her like she took care of me for so long. So friends, readers, anyone who is listening, please pray for my Grandmother? I can't imagine a world without her. Thank you.


Friday, December 3, 2010

Class of 2002

The envelope at my door

is another painful reminder

that I couldn’t make it work

I tried so hard to be your everything

but in the end it just all collapsed on me

and now I have run to the ends of the earth

but your memory won’t let me be

When I close my eyes I see our memories

when I try to touch someone else

I can feel you touching me

I jump awake in the night

in a cold sweat of fright

cause I’m haunted by you

What have I done??

What if you were the one

and I never get this chance again

what if I never forget about our untimely end

and why did it seem

like we were America’s sweethearts

yeah, we were the dream

So I tear at the paper

when I see your name

and I pull out the ring

I still feel the same

It twists at my soul

and I twirl it in my hand

the gold burns my fingers

you’ll never be the man

that I dreamt you could be

and my delusions

are all that are haunting me

so I toss the envelope into the garbage can

the memories may linger

but you won’t swallow who I am.

Ryan Star - Start A Fire [Official In Studio Video]

Holy shistophone I LOVE THIS SONG. Doesn't it take you back to how it felt when you had your first real boyfriend?? That newly found emotional rush of a young girls crush! Love it!

National Stroke Association:

National Stroke Association:
(Click on the above link please)

FYI. Knowledge is power ladies. A stroke can happen to anyone, of any age. Just about all the women I know are on some kind of birth control, which has caused many young women to have strokes. Now you know the symptoms if you are one of the unlucky few who is affected.



Cut-Plumb lyrics

This is a beautiful song, I love her voice. I could see a dance remix of this similar to the song Total Eclipse of the Heart :).

Hokay, I am going back to my schoolwork now...

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Aly & AJ - Potential Breakup Song (With lyrics)

New theme song! Love the lyrics!

'You're not livin' till you're livin' with me!'

LURVE. <----Jessi speak for LOVE. You have been informed.
When I can't get anything good out on paper, I tap into the old trusty past relationship vault of emotional resources. I definitely don't harbor any feelings for my ex-boyfriends, but its so easy to pull up old emotions and memories and write about them. I can still write poems about breakups I had in high school. I find this odd.

That was a lot of time to spend with someone

and now I’m just supposed to forget?

I don’t want you back but don’t you ever think

about the night that we met?

I try to think of you in a positive light

I wanted to be friends forever

cause that’s what people do

after that much time together

BUT not you, no not you

all I can think of is the shit you’d say

the whine in your voice

when you didn’t get your way

and the way you said my name

when you were mad

all these little reminders serve

to make me glad

that its over, oh yeah its over

thank God I’m finally rid of you

and your childish ways

your clutter, your car, your selfish reasoning

I don’t know how I lasted as long as I did

when I spent the whole relationship babysitting!

But its over, oh yeah its over

thank God I’m finally rid of you

no more ridiculous parties

no more girls calling all the time

no more ex girlfriend problems

no more drama in my life

So I won’t spend another minute

Reminiscing about our past

Cause the juries still out

on how we were able to last.