Tuesday, November 30, 2010

It is about that time of year when I am swamped with school and the artistic side of me goes into hiding. My writing goes to total crap and I start posting endless amounts of youtube videos and fun facts. I do not enjoy having writers block...I love when I feel intense emotions, I love when you feel something so strongly that it overflows and spills out across the paper in front of you. That however is not what is happening right now! Instead, this is the shit I am writing: :)

I know that I need a man with dignity

I need a man with respect for me

I don’t care for fancy things

and I don’t need your diamond rings

what I need is something called integrity

a man with meaning and intellectual ability

Just appreciate that I don’t apply to the norm

and I hate anyone who tries to make me conform

cause I have a bit of an independent streak

and when she’s cages she tends to freak

so appreciate me for who I am

cause I can be an amazing woman

I’m a bit of an artist and a bit of a geek

I can be fun loving or I can be quiet and meek

I am a caregiver, warm hearted, a good woman for sure

many have been trapped by my warm allure

all I ask is for faith and honesty

and for someone to be good to me.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Repeal DADT message from Gaga

I love her. This is so important, I believe wholeheartedly that this is the civil rights movement of our generation. I just hope they do the right thing.

Falling -Dj Encore


Plumb Hang On Digital Dog Radio Edit

This is this weeks theme song. I have so much going on this week with school and work that my head and heart might explode. Needless to say you might not hear much from me...

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Christmas Lights Gone Wild

Have been trying to find out what song this is ALL DAY. WANT IT. WANT THIS SONG. This is the only Christmas music I like. Okay, I like that stupid Mariah Carey song too, but only cause I can sing it and it makes me feel bad ass.


Sandstorm Christmas Lights Techno

Not energy efficient but you know what, I'm a hypocrite...this is AWESOME.

Dance With Me

I recorded the song I wrote...I still haven't figured out the music yet. I am feeling very creative today :)

No, I don't want a drink.

You don’t know me

So don’t offer me your advice

I’m out dancing cause I

Need to have a good time

Back up off me I don’t

Want your game

Your moves are lackluster

And your lines are so lame

If I was here to fuck you

I would just come alone

Cause I know if I did

Then I could take someone home

But I’m not that kinda girl

Which is why I bring a chaperone

So would you please just leave me alone?

It’s demeaning when you’re humping my leg

Go find yourself another girl to beg

Just cause I can shake my ass

Doesn’t mean I don’t have any class

The only man in the room I’m interested in

Is the DJ up in the booth cause the boy can spin.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

The final chapters of Bill's Assistant! YAY!

Part 19

I laid on my back like that for a good three hours. I waited until I could hear two sets of soft snores drifting through the doorway. With shaky hands and a racing heart I tip toed to the doorway. I peeked through to see Josh sprawled across one couch. The Russian had pushed his couch against the heavy metal doors, blocking the most obvious escape path. Both men were snoring deeply. I tip toed across the open area towards the bathroom. My breath caught in my throat as Josh turned over in his sleep. I froze in place, waiting to see if he was awake. He mumbled something in his sleep and kept snoring.
Giving a small sigh of relief I continued my way to the bathroom. I pulled the door open, slipped through then shut it softly behind me. I slid the latch across the door, just in case. I was afraid to turn the light on, so I fumbled toward the toilet in the dark. Hoisting myself up I resumed my task of gently nudging the window open. The soap had dried, so I applied another generous squirt across the window pane. I leaned my shoulder into the window frame and pushed with all my might. I felt the window nudge another few inches. I felt a surge of hope as I felt the fresh air from outside rushing through the screen. I gave a final heave and got the window open all the way. I gently unlatched the screen and let it drop to the ground below. I cringed as it banged into something below. I froze and listened for the snoring behind me. When I was sure I heard two sets of snores I hoisted myself up to the window. I pulled my upper body through the frame and sat my bum on the seal. With my upper body outside of the window and my lower body still inside the bathroom I looked around to see where I could land softly, I was a good five feet off the ground. There was a large metal heater of some sort below the window. I turned my hips sideways and let my upper body slide down the outside wall. I was going headfirst, slithering down the sidewall towards the heater. With my feet holding me balanced on the window seal I outstretched my hands and planted them in a hand stand on the heater. I let go of the window seal with my feet and let my body flop down. I made a bit of a racket when I landed, but the second I was on my feet adrenaline took over. I wasn’t going to wait to see if I woke the two men up. I took off running up the driveway towards the vehicles. I tried to step as light as I could on the gravel, but every step thundered in my ears as I sprinted towards the two cars. I prayed as I wrenched open the bodyguards driver side door and fumbled to see if there were keys in the ignition. Finding nothing I started searching the floorboards, the seat and the center compartments. Nothing. I let out a sigh and gently closed the door. I looked back at the warehouse. So far, I was in the clear. I tip toed over to Josh’s car and opened the door. I reached for the ignition and felt my heart leap with excitement when I felt the keys dangling there. I jumped in the seat, closed the door and pressed the lock button. I took a deep breath as I prepared to turn the key in the ignition.
“Okay, I can do this, I can do this.” I turned the key and cringed as the engine whined in protest. Of course the car wasn’t starting. I turned again. The engine just clicked in protest. My emotions took over and I started crying as I turned the key again and again. My breath was coming in gasps, it felt like there was a clamp on my chest as I realized the car wasn’t starting. I hit the dashboard in frustration.
“Common! Common! Please!”
Light flooded the driveway as the door of the warehouse wrenched open. My heart hammered in my chest as I turned the key again and again, crying harder and harder with every fail. Josh was halfway across the driveway when the engine sprang to life. I cried out and threw the car into gear.
I didn’t even look in the rearview mirror as I pulled out of the driveway, I just kept the pedal to the floor.
The trees and shrubbery flew past me. I had no idea where I was, but I vaguely remembered parts of the drive from yesterday. My legs were shaking from the adrenaline as I maneuvered the car around the windy back roads. The back roads turned to straight ways, and eventually I came to an intersection with road signs indicating I was an hour from the nearest city. I turned in the direction of the city lights and put my pedal to the floor again.
I kept an eager eye on the rearview mirror. I knew Josh had to be coming behind me, he couldn’t be that far behind. I thought about pulling into one of the random residences I passed but I was terrified to stop the car until I was in a more populated area. As the city lights came closer and closer, my gas gauge was moving closer and closer to empty.
“Common baby, just a little while longer.”
I prayed silently to myself as I pushed the gas pedal to the floor and checked the rearview mirror. My stomach did a flip flop when I saw lights in the distance behind me. They were a ways back, but there were lights. I gulped and pushed the car further, I focused my thoughts on Bill. Bill the man I was gonna marry, Bill, the father of the baby I was carrying. I had to get back to Bill.
I was getting into residential areas now. I started weaving through streets hoping to find an area I could stop and use a pay phone. I was looking for a business, a gas station, anything. I finally came upon a petrol station and pulled the car around the backside to be less visible. I jumped out of the car and ran inside.
The attendant took in my disheveled form and smirked. “Rough night?”
“Please call 9-1-1. I’ve been kidnapped. Please.” Then I started bawling again.
His face fell as he realized I wasn’t kidding and he frantically started dialing. I spent most of the next twenty minutes worriedly watching the passerby traffic, expecting Josh to come charging in at any moment.
My heart leapt with joy when two squad cars pulled into the police station. The officers split up, one staying with the car and calling a radio in on my license plate and the other walked in to check on the call. I could hear an ambulance in the distance.
The officer walked slowly up to me, raising his arms in a peace gesture to assure me he was safe.
“Ma’am, it’s ok, you are safe now.” Soft brown eyes were reassuring me as he gently laid a hand on my arm.
I just nodded my head, the tears streaking down my face. Relief started to wash over me, followed by shock. I was hiccupping I was sobbing so hard, practically collapsing in the officers arms. I was emotionally exhausted and hungry. Mostly, I wanted to see Bill.
“She just walked in and said to call 9-1-1.” The attendant was rambling to an officer who was taking notes.
“I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant.” I repeated the statement over and over as he put a blanket around my shoulders.
"Ma'am, what's your name?" The officer was rubbing my arms trying to calm my sobs.
"J-J-Jessi." I tried controlling my sobs, wiping at my face with the blanket.
"Ok, we got a female, mid-twenties here, possible kidnapping victim, matches the description of the missing female alert put out." The officer was talking into a small radio attached to his shirt. He returned the radio and returned his attention to me. "Jessi, do you know who took you? Are you hurt? We have an ambulance on the way." He took in my disheveled hair, worn pajamas and bare feet while he pulled out a small pad of paper.
"Um. I was abducted by my fiance's ex-bodyguard and my ex-boyfriend." I continued to give him Josh's name, and as much detail as I could remember about the past 36 hours while he hurriedly jotted notes on his notepad.
"Can I call my fiance? Has he been notified?" I could care less about anything at this point, except seeing Bill again.
"I will make sure he is notified to meet you at the hospital ma'am, I just have a few more things-" He was interrupted by the sirens on the ambulance pulling into the driveway. He waved the technicians over in our direction as a gurney was pulled out of the back.
Everything became a blur after that, someone was asking me questions about my health, and another person was hooking me up to vitals as they wheeled the gurney out. I watched through blurry eyes as a small crowd gathered on the sidewalk. It was dark outside, but a news crew was pulling into the parking lot. I felt exhausted on every level.
“Please get me out of here. Please call Bill, I need to see Bill.” I pleaded with the EMT who was wheeling me out.
“It’s okay honey, just relax, you’re safe now.” She patted my arm as she pulled the gurney towards the ambulance. I closed my eyes as I heard the doors shut behind her. I was safe now. I wrapped my hands protectively around my abdomen - we were safe now.

Part 20

“Where is she?” I could hear Bill’s frantic voice above the police murmurs around me.

“I’m here, I’m here!” I called to him from my bed, I could feel the hysteria building up in my chest again. There were officers gathered around me, I had been giving my account repeatedly for the past hour when I saw Bill pushing through the group of men. I had asked repeatedly where he was, trying to get through my account of the abduction as fast as I could so I could get back to Bill.

My heart leapt in my chest when I saw him. I reached for him, but the monitors hooked to my belly and hands kept me grounded. He pushed angrily through the officers and wrapped his arms around me. I eagerly pulled him close.

“I have been going crazy for the past 36 hours.” He whispered against my hair. I could feel his shoulders shaking. I just wrapped myself against him and let myself get lost in his arms. It was the most complete I had felt in a long time with his arms around me like that, suddenly, everything else just faded away.

“I love you. I love you.” I sobbed into his arms. Nothing felt better than his arms.

“Ma’am, we just have a few mo-

“No, you don’t have any more questions for her tonight. She is pregnant and she needs to be resting. She’s been through enough. You can come back tomorrow.” Bill’s voice stopped the officer in his tracks.

“Of course, of course. We will be back in the morning. Don’t worry miss, we have a detail protecting your room tonight. We will get him.” The officer blushed as he mumbled reassurances at Bill and I, motioning to the others to leave us alone. They shuffled outside, closing the door behind them with a resounding click.

Bill turned around and took my face in his hands. “Are you okay, are you hurt?” He fluttered one hand toward my belly tenderly, then ran it softly down my side as he pulled me into his lap. I was like a baby in his arms.

“I’m fine. Just shaken up, just scared. I love you. God, I love you.” I turned my face to him and kissed his lips, wrapping my hands around his neck and pulling his face into mine.

We came up gasping for air minutes later, both our faces flushed and streaked with tears.

“I am never leaving you unprotected again. Ever. From now on we will have a security team at all times. Even at home.” He traced a finger down my temple, his eyes drinking in my features.

“Bill, we can’t hide forever. Once Josh goes to prison, we won’t have to worry about this anymore.” I sighed against Bill’s shoulder.

“JOSH kidnapped you?” Bill pulled me out of my comfortable nook to look at him.

“Mmhmm,” I sleepily replied, “and your old Russian bodyguard helped him.”

Bill just looked at me open mouthed before pulling me close again.

“Alex? Well that explains how they got in the house…I just can’t believe…wow.” He pulled me close again. “Did they hurt you, is the baby okay?” He whispered against my temple. I could feel him shakily taking deep breathes trying to control his anger.

“No. No, I was just scared. The baby is okay too.” I closed my eyes against his chest again. I was exhausted. I hadn’t slept in what felt like two days.


“Hmm?” He kissed my temple and squeezed me close.

“I don’t want to talk about Josh anymore. I just want you to hold me. But I do want him arrested. If the cops don’t get him I will.” I leveled my gaze with Bills, his startled eyes taking in my sudden intensity.

I was interrupted by Bill’s phone vibrating against my chest. “Hang on, I need to update Tom. He’s been going crazy too.” Bill fumbled to pull his phone from his front pocket.

“Ya.” Bill sighed into the receiver. I heard Tom’s voice squawking through the phone in reply.

“She’s fine.” Bill waited as Tom continued in the background.

“Yeah, I am bringing her home. We can have someone come take care of her there. No I am not leaving her anywhere. Yeah, I already took care of the paperwork. Ok. Bye.” Bill flipped his phone and tucked it back into his shirt pocket.

“Tom says he is happy you are ok. I am getting you out of here. We can have in home care, I don’t trust the security here.” He looked up at the six officers standing in the hallway and then back to my skeptical expression. I wasn’t worried about security, but I was happy to go home with him.

“Ok, fine, I just miss you.” He replied, smiling and kissing me again, “I don’t ever want to be away from you again, lets go home.”

I smiled wearily back at him. All I wanted was to curl up in his arms and sleep forever, to forget this ever happened.

“Take me home.”

Bill pressed the call button for a nurse, and kept me wrapped in his arms while we waited. It only took five minutes before a sweet faced elderly nurse came into the room.

“Everything okay dear?” She smiled warmly at me, and shifting her eyes to Bill holding me on the bed.

Bill answered for me, “I signed release paperwork for her, can we take these monitors off so we can leave please?”

“Sure hun.” She pulled off the monitors hooked up to my arms and belly and helped me stand up. “Looks like you are still in your clothes so you are ready to go as long as all the paperwork is done.” She looked back at Bill expectantly.

“Thank you.” He smiled at her and ushered my weary form towards the hallway. He whispered in my ear, “Our security team is in the hallway, and the helicopter is on the roof next door.”

I smiled as I leaned against him, “I am so tired. All I want to do is sleep.” I wobbled a little, not realizing just how tired I really was as we stepped out in the hall. Bill caught me, then lifted me into his arms like a child.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” He crooned.

I just smiled as I rested my head against his shoulder. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck, tracing patterns along his neckline with my fingers as he carried me through the halls. I felt the night air hit me as we left the hospital, causing me to snuggle closer to Bill. I kept my eyes closed, though I felt the heat as we entered another building, then heard the elevator doors part as our team climbed in for the ascent to the rooftop. I felt safe with his arms around me, rocking with the motion of his steps.

The elevator doors opened again and I braced myself for the night air as we neared the sound of the helicopter. Then the doors opened and Bill was jogging with me in his arms. I opened my eyes as he set me in my seat, crawled in next to me and motioned for the rest of his security team to follow. Once the doors were closed I crawled into his lap, laid my head onto his shoulder and closed my eyes. I drifted to sleep with his warm arms around me, listening to the rhythmic sound of his heartbeat in sync with the whir of the helicopter.

Part 21

The sunlight streaming through the blinds woke me up. Bill’s arms were wrapped around me, as were the fluffy soft blankets of our bed. I rolled over staying wrapped in his arms and faced him.

“Good morning beautiful.” He mumbled with closed eyes.

“Hi handsome.” I flopped one arm over his side, pulling at his back so that he was forced to scoot closer to me.

“Did you sleep okay?” He asked while wiping the sleep from his eyes. He rolled over onto his back, stretching.

“Mmmhmmm. I don’t remember coming home last night though.” I scrunched my face up trying to recall what happened after we left the hospital.

“You were out cold.” Bill propped himself up on one elbow, allowing me to see part of his shirtless torso. My breath caught in my throat at the same time as my stomach gave a loud gurgle.

Bill laughed, “Our child is hungry.”

“Our child is always hungry.” I smiled coyly at him from my pillow. He leaned forward, hovering over me. He stopped his face a foot or so from mine, searing my eyes with his intense gaze. I reached up to tuck a stray lock of hair behind his ears, letting my hands linger along his jawline.

“You are so beautiful Jessi,” he whispered. My heart started beating faster as his eyes softened and his face changed from intense to somber, “I was so terrified watching that car take off with you. I have never felt so utterly helpless. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you, if I lost us. It got me thinking…I don’t want to wait to get married. I don’t want to wait another couple of months. I know a lot has happened in the past few weeks,” He shifted his weight so that he was leaning on his elbow with half his body weight across mine, “and I know you need to rest for the sake of the baby, so lets just have a quiet ceremony here. Just with a few friends and family. Let me take care of the details. I will even have someone order your dress.” He smiled at the last part, waiting for me to respond.

I licked my lips and looked up at him.

“Bill, I love you, and I can’t wait to be your wife,” I smiled as his face grew radiant, “and I would be so happy if someone else did the dress shopping for me.” He just rolled his eyes before he leaned in and kissed me.

“Then its settled, I will take care of the arrangements and we will be man and wife within a weeks time.” Bill smiled down at me.

My stomach started gurgling again, which prompted Bill to sit up in bed.

“Ok, it’s time for us to feed the child.” He chirped, then he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and sat up, turned around and drug me with him. I giggled and let my body go limp across the bed.

“The child wants breakfast in bed.” I giggled up at him.

“The child needs to come downstairs to see her best friend and Tom.” Bill smiled in response as he pulled my limp form to the edge of the bed.

Le sigh, O.K. the child is coming…” I mumbled as I crawled out of bed.

I didn’t make it very far though, because within seconds Bill’s arms were wrapped around me, gently tackling me back onto the sheets.


While Bill was showering I made my way downstairs. As soon as I was mid-way down the banister the smell of waffles invaded my senses. My mouth started watering as I thought of the savory taste of melted butter and maple syrup on a warm waffle.

“Something smells amazing!” I exclaimed as I walked in the kitchen.

Jackie spun around excitedly, dropping the spatula with a loud clang on the counter and ran over to me. She threw her arms around me, enveloping me in a big warm hug.

“I didn’t know if you were O.K., I didn’t know who took you, I have never been so worried!” She blubbered as I stroked her hair.

“It’s O.K. I am fine, see? I could use some breakfast though.” I pulled back from her arms and smiled at her trying not to tear up at her sentiments.

Jackie wiped at her face and nodded laughing.

“Of course, of course! A pregnant lady needs her breakfast.” She wobbled back to the stove and flopped a huge waffle onto a plate and passed it across the counter to me.

“You really are the best.” I smiled at her appreciatively as I lathered it with butter and maple syrup and started wolfing it down. It felt like forever since I had eaten.

I looked up when Jackie cleared her throat.

“O.K., so I know you probably don’t want to hear this so soon, but the police already called and are sending someone out to finish the investigative report in about an hour or so.” She looked down at her hands and picked at a hangnail before looking back at me. “You gonna be okay with them coming so soon?”

I sighed and dropped my fork, pushing my empty plate back towards her. “Yeah. I might as well get through the worst of it so I can go back to living my life. I hope they caught Alex and Josh. I would feel a lot better knowing they were in custody.”

“So would I.” Jackie nodded in response. “You want another waffle?”

I shook my head as my stomach started to gurgle. I was trying to fight off the nausea that was creeping over me. I had made it almost two days without experiencing morning sickness and I was hoping it wasn’t coming back.

“No, actually, um, I think I might be sick.” I jumped off my stool and ran to the bathroom as my breakfast made its way back up.

I had just finished washing my mouth out when I heard Jackie answering the door.

“Yes, yes of course, come in. She will be with you in just a minute.” I heard her say.

I wiped my face with the towel and stepped out into the entrance to greet the officers standing there.

“Hello Gentleman.” I tried to smile, but seeing them brought back the horror of the past few days. My smile faltered and I felt an overwhelming sense to run away and hide. Fighting it I strode forward and shook their hands.

“Ma’am.” They answered in unison. There was an older male officer and a young male officer this time. I didn’t recognize either from the previous few days, but then again there had been so much that happened and I was so tired…

“Jess, I am going to go let Bill know they are here, be right back.” Jackie said as she jogged up the stairs. She took in my panic stricken look and stopped mid-way on the banister and called to Bill instead. “Bill! The cops are here to take Jessi’s statement!” Then she jogged back down and grasped my hand. I smiled at her appreciatively. Sometimes, words weren’t necessary with best friends.

“Hello, welcome to our home.” Bill’s soft voice echoed down the stairs as he joined us, Tom was behind him smiling at me. I felt a sense of relief settle over me as they joined us. Tom jumped down the last two steps and wrapped me in a bear hug, before he let go he whispered, “Glad you are home sis, you had us worried.”

My heart jumped at the term ‘sis,’ and I smiled as Bill stepped along side me and took my other hand in his. With Jackie on one side, Bill on the other and Tom standing nearby I felt strong enough to face the horror of the past few days. I let out a big breath, looked up at the patiently waiting officers and said, “Alrighty gentlemen, let’s get this over with.”

Part 22

“Are you excited for tomorrow?” Bill was sitting behind me on the couch, his arms wrapped around me, resting on my belly. I leaned my head back against his chest and sighed. The past week had flown by, between the truckloads of decorations being brought in for the ‘small’ garden wedding Bill had planned and the events of the past weekend, I was exhausted.

“Yes.” I whispered. I laced my fingers over his, letting the smile that had been tugging at my mouth win me over. “In 24 hours I will be walking down the aisle dressed like a giant pastry, how can I not be excited?” I giggled.

“I doubt the dress Vera sent for you will look like a giant pastry.” Bill laughed.

I turned my head towards him. “You really haven’t seen it yet? You didn’t peek even once?”

“Nope.” He dropped a quick peck on my lips before a smug smile crossed his face.

“You really think it’s bad luck for the groom to see the dress before the wedding?” I had turned almost completely around in his lap now and was resting on his chest looking up at him.

“I would rather not take any chances.” His face went somber.

“Bill Kaulitz, you are so superstitious!” I poked at his chest, laughing as he wiggled under my assault.

“Woman, don’t make me tickle you, think of the baby – ” Bill erupted into a fit of giggles when I dug my fingers into his ribs. I was straddling him now while he writhed underneath me giggling. He finally got a hold of my wrists and pinned me down on the couch. He was huffing for air, and I was smiling up at him like a Cheshire cat.

“No ding-ding without a wedding ring!” Tom’s sing song voice had us jumping upright on the sofa.

“Hi Tom.” I called out breathlessly. I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks as I met Tom’s knowing look.

“Tsk tsk, you are sleeping in separate bedrooms tonight right? You can’t see each other until the ceremony tomorrow.” He scolded us with raised eyebrows.

“Um, when did you become the representative for moral standards?” Bill joked as he threw a pillow at Tom.

Tom ducked, turned back around and quipped, “Just keeping an eye on my little brother.”

“For your information we already worked this out. She is staying in our room, and I am sleeping in the guest bedroom, MOM.” Bill smiled smugly back at Tom.

“I am so excited for cake.” My random comment caught the boys off guard, causing Bill to start laughing first then Tom.

“You are so pregnant right now.” Tom rolled his eyes and strolled over to sit on the couch across from me.

“With my baby!” Bill cooed and leaned down to hug my belly. “Hi baby Bill, can you hear me in there?” He put his ear up to the little bulge on my belly. “Tomorrow your Mommy is going to marry me, and then we are going to live happily ever after and spoil you rotten.” He smiled up at me.

“You people make me sick. Sometimes I really don’t know how we can be from the same gene pool.” Tom scrunched one side of his face up and raised his eyebrows at Bill’s cooing.

“Ok, this pregnant lady is going to bed, apparently in a different room than the groom.” I pushed Bill slowly out of my lap and started to stand up. “Bill, honey, I love you and I guess I will see you tomorrow when whomever is going to coordinate me for the wedding brings me to the ceremony?” I really had no idea what was happening. All I knew was that I was going to show up.

Bill stood up with me. “Yes, your team will be in around eleven to get you ready. Just stay in bed until then. Don’t worry about anything, everything is all taken care of, all you have to do is enjoy the pampering.” He smiled down at my skeptical expression then kissed me on the lips. “This is the last day I have to refer to you as my fiancé, tomorrow you become my wife.”

My heart fluttered as a smile spread across my face. Wife. He said wife. I was marrying Bill tomorrow. I turned around, smiling as I made my way to bed.


“Jessi?” I heard Jackie’s voice before a soft hand gently touched my arm. “Sweetie? Happy wedding day!”

“Huh?” I blinked in confusion at the commotion around my bed. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, focusing on the team of people in the room surrounding the bed. They all looked ready to pounce on me with a plethora of cosmetics, hair products, and various garments. There was even a lady setting up a table to do my nails and toes at the foot of the bed. I turned what must have been a look of terror and confusion to Jackie’s smiling face at my bedside.

“Breakfast?” She handed me a tray containing muffins and sliced fruit and an assortment of juices. I groggily balanced the tray in my lap, tentatively nibbling on a blueberry muffin as I eyed the people surrounding the bed. I suddenly felt a bit like a circus animal.

“Morning everyone.” I whispered. I felt the heat rising in my cheeks as they all smiled back at me. I finished my muffin, gulped down a juice and pushed the tray towards Jackie. Then they pounced.

One person was brushing my teeth while another was wiping my face down. Someone was washing my legs and prepping them for waxing. Then someone was tugging and plucking at my eyebrows. A brush was being pulled through my hair, things were being sprayed then I felt my feet go into hot water as someone started a pedicure. It seemed to go on forever until a small Chinese lady shoved them all aside and walked up to where I was perched, still in my under things.

“She is ready for the dress.” There was a gasp amongst the group as she turned on her heel and walked to the other end of the room, everyone parting and watching her with open-mouthed wonder. I crossed my eyes at Jackie, who frowned at me and looked eagerly towards the unveiling of the dress.

Everyone broke out in applause as she pulled the sheet away from the manikin. My draw dropped, the dress was absolutely breathtaking, it was astounding. For the first time all day, I felt completely nostalgic. My breath caught in my throat and tears swelled in my eyes. The enormity of what was happening caught up to me and I started to cry.

“Tears! We have tears!” Someone rushed at my face and started blotting as I took in the fabric and detail of the gown I would wear to wed Bill. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

It had a delicate scooped neck, with intricate black diamond embossed detail work on the black bodice, the sides and back had cutouts that were laced together with silver and black silk ribbons embossed with thousands of tiny diamonds. The bodice would fit tightly over my slightly bulging belly, I was secretly happy we were getting married before I started to really show my pregnancy. The full skirt matched the black sparkling bodice, with a heavy black fabric weaving an intricate pattern into the material, which flowed into an 8 foot train that trailed across the floor.

After the makeup artists re-applied my eye makeup, I was escorted over to the dress for the fitting. As I stood on a pedestal, the tiny Chinese woman fitted me with various under things that matched the dress. I tried not to blush as she undressed me in front of the room full of people. Every time I tried to do anything myself she batted my hands away and yelled something I didn’t understand, so after a while I just gave in and let her continue. I started to feel utterly giddy as the dress was slid over my head. A giant mirror was wheeled over to me as she finished lacing up the sides and back of the dress. The ribbons all met at the small of my back in a loose bow. I was hoping she would be around to help me out of the dress later.

When I looked up at the mirror my breath caught in my throat. My hair had been pulled into loose curls, half piled up on my head, and half cascading down my back. There were thousands of tiny black diamonds pinned in the up do, so that every time I moved my head they would glint in the light. My green eyes were like a beacon under the silver and black shadows the team had used on my eyes. My lips were a soft nude color, accentuating the hue of my eyes. I felt absolutely stunning.

“Thank you so much.” That was all I could say before I started to get choked up.

“Oh honey, don’t cry! No crying until he sees you at least once!” One of the ladies called out. Everyone laughed. I turned as Jackie pushed her way to the front and grabbed my hand.

“Are you ready to see your groom? The ceremony is going to start soon.” She smiled at me and I felt my stomach do little flip-flops.

I just nodded, unable to form even a sentence. I felt my palms start to sweat as my heart started racing. Three women dressed in black cocktail dresses followed me carrying the train of my dress. I walked delicately down the stairs in my little black slippers. I was thankful they had gotten me flats.

As Jackie opened the door to the backyard I was shocked by what I saw. This was definitely not our backyard. Thousands of exotic orchid bushels lined the walkway. Low light lanterns swung from the trees casting a romantic glow against the sunset. We continued towards the giant flat roofed tent that rose ahead of me. As we neared the entrance I realized that it wasn’t a tent at all, but instead it was a massive structure with a thick covering of flowers. The sent engulfed me, and instantly I was transported back to my first kiss with Bill on the beach in the Maldives, it smelled exactly like the tropics. I smiled at his cleverness. As we neared the entrance I heard the steady buzz of voices. The wedding music started and Jackie smiled at me before she turned to walk down the aisle with Gustav, the first of the wedding party. Then Maggie appeared out of nowhere with Georg and winked at me as they made their way down the aisle. I started to hyperventilate. Most brides had a father to walk them down the aisle, I was terrified to walk alone. I felt the tears start to well up at the thought of my parents missing my wedding when I heard someone ask the crowd to prepare for the arrival of the bride. Then everything went silent, except for the hammering of my heart.

Tom stepped out from the shrubbery to my left and took my arm in his.

“You don’t think we would let you walk down the aisle alone, now do you?” He smiled down at me warmly, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

I breathed a shaky sigh of relief and wrapped my arm in his. “Thank you.” I smiled appreciatively up at him, trying not to let my face crumple as I fought back the tears. I couldn’t say much more, I was trying really hard not to start crying. The enormity of what was happening was overtaking me. I turned my gaze to my feet as he motioned for us to move forward at the first sound of my entrance music.

“I just have one request.” Tom whispered as we neared the doorway. I could see pillar candles lining the aisle and more orchid bushels.

I just nodded, trying not to hyperventilate. Breathe, breathe, breathe.

“Take care of my little brother for me.” He whispered just before we entered the doorway.

“Always.” I promised.

Then I saw him standing at the alter staring at his feet. He was a bundle of nerves too. He was nervously clutching his hands together, breathing out a sigh as he looked up. He had cut his hair shorter it wasn’t in a Mohawk now, it was teased back with the sides shaved, and his eyes were rimmed with a soft smoky liner. His tux was black and fitted and he looked delicious. When our eyes met, everyone in the room disappeared. I didn’t notice the family friends on either side of the aisle. I didn’t see Bill’s mother crying softly in the front row. I didn’t see David smile at Tom, or Jackie wink at me. All I could see were Bill’s soft eyes drinking me in as I floated down the aisle towards him. I didn’t hear Tom answer Andreas’ question when he asked who was giving the bride away. I was locked in Bill’s eyes, locked in his gaze, locked in eternity.

I felt my face flush as he reached out, never dropping his eyes from mine, and took my hands in his. He gave a nervous laugh as Andreas started in on the ceremony and I couldn’t help but laugh with him. We stood like that, giddy, blushing and smiling into each other’s eyes until Andreas cleared his throat to indicate it was time for us to exchange our vows.

Andreas turned to Bill first. “Bill, I need you to repeat after me, Ok?”

Bill nodded.

Andreas continued, “I, Bill Kaulitz, take you, Jessi Veille.”

Bill cleared his throat, “I, Bill Kaulitz, take you, Jessi Veille.”

“To be my lawfully wedded wife.” Andreas continued.

“To be my lawfully wedded wife.” Bills smile sent my heart on fire.

“And I promise before these witnesses to be your loving and faithful husband.”

“-And I promise before these witnesses to be your loving and faithful husband.” Bill repeated, softly now, almost whispering to me. He stepped closer as he said it, and my breath caught in my throat as he looked deep in my eyes. He was somber now, his face totally serious as he recited his vows.

Andreas continued “-in good times and in bad, in joy and in sorrow-

“-In good times and in bad, in joy and in sorrow.” Bill dropped my hands from his and took my face in his hands, whispering his vows to me now. I let my hands fall to his waist as I looked up at him.

“-In sickness and in health.”

“In sickness and in health.” Bill repeated.

“-As long as we both shall live.”

“-As long as we both shall live.” His lips were centimeters from mine as he whispered the last words. I nodded as he said them, feeling his cool breath brush my features.

Andreas turned to me and asked me to repeat after him. I did. I starred right into Bill’s eyes, trying desperately not to choke on the tears I was fighting as I swam in the depth of his love.

“I, Jessi Veille, take you, Bill Kaulitz, to be my husband.” I stopped to take a shaky breathe as a tear streaked down my cheek. Bill started stroking my cheek with his finger. “I prom- mi-se before all these witnesses to be your lo- ving and faithful wife, in good times and in bad.” I took another shaky breath as Bill smiled at me encouragingly. “In Joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.”

Bill’s face broke out into a brilliant smile when I finished. I giggled with him. I could tell he was ready to kiss me, but Andreas hadn’t done the ring ceremony yet.

“Bill, we will get to that part in a minute. First I need you to take this ring and give it to Jessi and repeat after me.” Andreas continued laughing as Bill held his hand out for the ring, smiling at Andreas as the crowd giggled.

“I with this ring, thee wed.” Andreas motioned for Bill to proceed.

“I with this ring, thee wed.” Bill softly slipped the ring on my finger, squeezing my hand.

“Jessi, same thing for you. I with this ring, thee wed.” Andreas watched as I took the ring and slipped it on Bill’s hand.

“I with this ring, thee wed.” I smiled down at my shaking hands.

Andreas smiled at us, turned to the crowd and bellowed, “By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife, now Bill you may kiss the bride!”

Bill stepped forward, eagerly took my face in his hands and drew my lips to his. Our bodies melded together as I twined my arms around his shoulders. The kiss deepened as the crowd cheered us on. Our lips parted, but we stayed intertwined as everyone continued to cheer around us.

“I love you!” Bill beamed at me as he ran one hand through my hair. “I’ve never seen anything so beautiful in all my life.” He planted a quick kiss on my mouth with a smile.

“I love you too!” I exclaimed as he pulled away. Then Tom was throwing his arms around us, and we were being ushered from family member to family member in a series of hugs.

After Bill’s parents had hugged us he turned and grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the aisle. As we walked down the aisle everyone continued cheering and congratulating us, all the while throwing rice in the air. We giggled and leaned forward, ducking into the shower of wedding confetti.

He pulled me out of the tent and down a pathway where a limousine was waiting for us.

“Where are we going?” I looked up at him quizzically.

He smiled back at me as he leaned down and scooped me off my feet, carrying me the last few feet to the car.

“To spend the rest of our lives together.”


THANK YOU to everyone who has been reading my story! I appreciate you! I had so much fun developing my characters and my plot line. I think I will start writing more short stories, its been a great hobby!


Thanksgiving synopsis:


1) Woke up and it wasn't raining, excellent! Got in the car, got out of the driveway and then the torrential downpour started.

2) The car window falls down on the drivers side of the car. This is SUPER convenient when its POURING down rain outside. But its okay, because I am eating a bird today.

3) After a half an hour of getting drenched every time a semi truck drives by I decide to drown my sorrows by turning the radio up as loud as I can and singing at the top of my lungs.

4) Whilst singing at the top of my lungs to Mariah Carey's 'All I Want For Christmas,' I miss my exit and my navigation ends up taking me through the backwoods of Kentucky to get to my destination. I was sure to listen for banjo's.

5) The family I had dinner with IS AWESOME. I LOVE THEM.

6) Dessert time...First I had pie (these women know the appropriate whip cream to pie ratio, just saying). Then I had ice cream. Then I had some cookies. Then cause I didn't already have enough sugar over load, I decided I needed a Mountain Dew. It was diet cause I gotta watch my figure. Anyways, so about the time I was sugar crazed out of my mind, they decided to take me to the movie theater for a three hour movie.

Yeah, that went REALLY well for me.

7) Then when we got back to the house, Morgan decided to play hairdresser:

It's a really good look for me, right?

ALSO! I almost forgot about the random GIANT hot pink squirt gun I found when we were randomly driving around out of boredom.

So all in all, I think this Thanksgiving was a total win.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

They say loneliness is key
To finding your identity
But the pain throbs in my veins
My need for human interaction reigns

Growth has come at a cost
An emptiness I can’t restore
Something I’ve lost
That I can’t find anymore

To process my emotions
I prefer to work through prose
And relief is what I feel
But the door will never close
On the endless spectrum
That pours from my fingers
But nothing will lesson
The pain that still lingers.

Gyptian - Hold You (Major Lazer Remix)

Replay this again and again and again because I cannot get enough of this mans voice or the beat of this song!

Leave Me Blind.

My heart hurts
Cause I don’t want to be alone
The empty echo of the dark
Carries me home
Cept this isn’t home at all
And in the cold
I fall deaf to the call
Of a lover lost
And the winds of change
Cast a state of permafrost
And the pain inside starts to rearrange
What I knew of adoration
Devotion is mysterious
Why should love take concentration?
So I grow and I mature
And I pray and I listen
For a sign from nature
About what it is I’m missin’
And eventually I know I will find
Something so pure
It will leave me blind.
You don’t know what love is
and you don’t know devotion
you only know the movie lines
and scripted pieces of emotion

You jump from mate to mate
we’re lined up like trophies on a shelf
but you won’t be able to find happiness
when you don’t even love yourself

I see you going through the motions
it’s the same exact thing you did with me
and she is too young to know the difference
but I am no longer so naïve

I always meant exactly what I said
you were reciting the lines that you read
I replay it like a horror movie in my head
Right up to the bitter end

I guess I was delusional
I set myself up to fall
and now I've picked up the pieces
of what you never loved at all

but I can't help but grimace
at the words I know you share
because she is young and innocent
and she really thinks you care.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Dance With Me.

Just wrote this song tonight. Wish I had the skills to put music to it...but I will get there someday :).

Did you notice
And would you be so kind
As to give me a glance
Or pay me a piece of mind

Cause I feel the vibrations
Ring out across the room
Even when I drop to the floor
The base still kills my gloom

It’s impossible not to notice
When you’re so debonair
You shock me into silence
When you start shaking your hair

So dance with me
Dance, dance with me
And make me feel like
A million times three

Just dance with me
Dance, dance with me
And make me feel like
The woman I want to be

All up in this club
Your skills are so urbane
You’re spinning these tracks
Driving me insane

I’m just trying to move
Out on the floor
But you’re such a distraction
Got me beggin’ for more

So dance with me
Dance, dance with me
And make me feel like
A million times three

Just dance with me
Dance, dance with me
And make me feel like
The woman I want to be

I’m just trying to be noticed
By a cute boy at the bar
So give me a shout out
You know who you are

I can see you're shy
So do you wanna play
Come on and give me a sign
Don’t wait another day

So dance with me
Dance, dance with me
And make me feel like
A million times three

Just dance with me
Dance, dance with me
And make me feel like
The woman I want to be.

Kazoos for Kay

This is a really touching video of an amazing woman's memorial services. I would like you to all sing "Poker Face" by Lady GaGa at mine. With Kazoos. Kthnxbai.

American Cowgirl

This is how I was raised. I guess that explains a lot now doesn't it?

"Women who behave rarely make history."

Friday, November 19, 2010

All.I.Can. Official Teaser from Sherpas Cinema on Vimeo.

I saw this on Tom Kaulitz's blog this morning and I really loved the video. The message is amazing, as is the imagery. I grew up on a beautiful cattle ranch in central California. It breaks my heart when I see agriculture land or open space converted to industry. I am all for stimulating the economy and I know people need jobs, but I grew up surrounded by beautiful open space and I can't help but want to preserve the beauty of our natural resources.

SO beautiful!

Silestone -- 'Above Everything Else' from Alex Roman on Vimeo.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

I run into the dark night
Because I am one with the cold
The leaves have all fallen now
The trees are stark and bold

A thousand cars fly by
But not one of them will see
The solitary tear that shakily forms
And seeps out of me

So I push a little further
And I run until I can’t breathe
Because as long as my lungs are screaming
Then you aren’t haunting me.

But eventually I come back
To this empty stark apartment
And am forced to face the reality
Of my lonely little compartment

A life of solitude and reflection
I inflicted this on myself
When I gave up on the illusion
That what we had was wealth

And eventually the bitterness
Will sweeten with the Spring
And then I hope to find someone
Who is more than just a fling.
HOLY SHISTOPHONE as soon as it is not COLD AS BALLS outside I am making the following ASAP:


Eeeeeeeeeee I love homemade ice cream! How delicious does that sound? Mmmmmmm!

In other news, my Mommy sent me a care package last night with 6 jars of homemade jams and syrups, canned pears, the largest bag of cocoa I've ever seen and delicious teas! I am feeling loved!

She is so getting more than just coal for Christmas ;-).

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

This is a fabulous quote I stole from somewhere, I honestly don't remember where...

"Sometimes you have to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve."

Well said.

I fear for those who are afraid to fall.

I’ve felt the range of human emotion
So I recognize your pain
And the depth of your devotion
The pining is the lowest of lows
And the grief that follows
Feels like the worst of blows
But someday you’ll be angry
And then you’ll get over being sad
Cause heartbreak ain’t forever
Eventually it turns to regret and feeling mad
Just when you think you’re about to explode
Just know that I already know
You’ll calm down and it all evens out
Acceptance takes forever,
But moving on is the redemption
That will bring your soul back together.

So focus on you, and work it through
Cause the experience you had
Was worth a lifetime of the sad.

They say it’s better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all,
I say it’s better to grow and learn
Than to be jaded and afraid to fall.

Wrote this about watching someone who is grieving the loss of a relationship, since I was just in their shoes earlier this year I was inspired to write about the experience.

Kidneythieves - "Zerospace" Extasy Records

WElp this definitely got added to the gym playlist :D.

Big O feat. Gammatax Abruzzi (PETI FREE) - Ich Lass Die Sau Raus

I can't help mUHHHself. Also, for those of you who know how hard I have been working towards this goal, I have lost 16 pounds. *HUGE SMILE* It's been a lot of hard hours at the gym...and eating healthy...although if you follow me on twitter you know I occassionally fall off the wagon :D. Anywhoozle, nothing feels as good as healthy does!

Love you all,

The booty shaking pie maker.

Friday, November 12, 2010

As I continue along my little path of growth and finding myself, I can't help but think about the things that are changing about me. I think about what is changing for the better, for the worst. I think about who has influenced these changes and I think about what these changes mean for my future. Most of the growth and reflection I have done over the past few months is through my writing, which is how I best express myself, how I battle my emotions and how I work through my problems. Writing is what cures my ailments. Writing is what free's my soul. People may never understand my prose, but that is not what I write it for, I write it for myself and for myself alone. I've been on an incredible personal journey this past year, between breaking up with Tyler, moving to the other side of the country, watching the changes that have occurred for my family...it has all been a lot to handle. I however, am proud of the person I am finally becoming because of my experiences. I am proud of my personal growth. I have a long way to go, but I think I am on the right path. I dedicate today to personal growth, inner reflection and doing what is best for yourself...because today I woke up and I was finally happy to be alone. I was content with my decisions. I was for the first morning okay with the fact that I am 26 years old and single. I feel like this is a giant step in the right direction. I know I am drastically changing topics here, but I have been battling this demon for a long time. I am a socially inclined person and I am the type of girl who prefers to be in a relationship, so it's taken me a long time to be happy with myself alone. I don't think you can find your true soulmate until you are happy with who you are alone. So today I am rejoicing. I hope you all have an amazing Friday!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Part 16 - 18

Part 16

“This is something never before seen by man.” Bill gasped dramatically as he fanned his arms before the mess of crib parts spread out across the living room floor. I was giggling on the couch, surrounded by a mass of pillows and every amenity Bill could think to set up around me so that I wouldn’t move. I even had a network of straws so I didn’t have to lift my head. It was a bit much, but I couldn’t help but love his care giving nature.
“Do you think it would increase or decrease my ability to get laid if the media found out I was helping with this?” Tom grumbled as he held up a complicated jumble of instructions.
It had been a few days since I had gotten home from the hospital, and Bill had gone crazy with baby excitement. The nursery was already painted, half the furniture was sitting in boxes in the living room waiting to be put together and I was forced to watch painstakingly while the boys tinkered with it all from the couch.
“Don’t worry, I totally got this.” Jackie walked in welding a giant screw gun and started laughing and drilling into the air. She had decided to stay an extra week, and I was so grateful.
“Give me that before you poke an eye out.” Tom rolled his eyes and swiped for the gun, but Jackie leapt back before he could take it.
“Like you know how to operate this piece of machinery! I was born with a screw gun in my hand, stand back boys, let me show you how the West was won.”
“I have way more experience screwing than you.” Tom laughed.
“He really isn’t joking.” Bill mumbled while arranging bolts into different piles.
I just continued chewing on my bendy straw with wide eyes, taking the entire situation into perspective.
Tom gave up trying to get the screw gun from Jackie when she threatened his privates with it, and Bill ran into the dining room to answer the phone.
I laughed when I saw Tom putting the crib side on upside down. Jackie was sitting back smiling, waiting to see if she was going to have to correct him or not.
I heard Bills footsteps as he padded back into the room.
“Honey?” I felt Bill slide his arms around me affectionately. He pressed his cheek up to mine, murmuring into the side of my face with soft kisses.
“Would you or the baby like anything to eat or drink?” He finished.
“Mmmm…no I think we still have a gallon of Gatorade, two glasses of milk and three cups of water to chose from my dear.” I smiled as I waived my arm towards the mass quantity of snacks and drinks organized on tables around me.
“Who was on the phone?” I looked up at him as he pulled away, watching the smile freeze on his face.
“Um, the phone?” He was really bad at stalling, I could always tell.
“Yeah, who just called?” I popped a wheat thin in my mouth as I looked up at his innocent expression.
“Oh you know, just the usual.” Then he turned abruptly towards Tom and Jac and resigned himself to sorting screws again.
“Hm. I think I need to pee.” I started shifting forward on the couch and pushing the trays out of my way when all three of them leapt to their feet to help me. Tom pulled trays away, Jac and Bill put their hands under my arms and I just looked at them in bewilderment.
“You guys, I think I can pee without your assistance.” I kindly pushed their hands away and stood up. Bill was hovering around me like I might fall at any moment.
“If you try to follow me in the bathroom, I will seriously enact a pregnant hormonal rage on you.” I shook a finger at him as he followed me down the hallway towards the bathroom.
“The book says that is to be expected.” He smiled at me. “You’re sure you are okay?” His eyes shifted towards my abdomen.
“I just have to pee.”
“But you haven’t had any contractions?”
“Bill. Pregnant people have to pee. A lot.” I put my hand on my hip and raised my eyebrows at him.
“Ok. Well. Just be careful.” He hesitantly turned down the hallway, looking over his shoulder at me in concern as he went back to the living room.
“Ok. I will let you know if any toilet monsters come after me.” I mumbled as I turned on the bathroom light.
When I came back to the living room, three anxious eyes were watching me. I stopped short at their expectant expressions.
Tom dropped his gaze back to the instructions and started rotating the papers and tracing lines with his fingers. Jac sucked her lower lip in, and Bill looked like he might explode with anticipation.
“You guys really need to stop freaking out every time I have to pee. Everything has been fine. Promise. The first time I feel a contraction, you will be the first to know.” I rolled my eyes as Bill tucked me back into the couch.
I stopped him by touching his hand as he turned back to help with the crib.
“I know you have been purposefully avoiding telling me what is going on with Josh, but I would appreciate knowing. I have been really good about staying on the couch and relaxing. Please? I need to know.” I stuck my lower lip out and widened my eyes at the last part in an attempt to garner sympathy.
Bill smirked and let out a sigh. He gingerly picked up my feet and sat down.
“Ok, I know we have all been tip toeing around the subject since you got home from the hospital. You have been a really good sport about not watching TV or going online to see what is going on. We are only trying to protect you and the baby until the situation smooths out a bit more.” He started rubbing my calves gently at the finish of his sentence.
“Does that mean it hasn’t completely blown over yet?” I closed my eyes as I rested my head against the pillows.
“I do-
“She –
I could hear Tom and Jackie start to butt into the conversation at the same time.
“Sorry, go ahead.” I heard Tom say. I opened my eyes and turned my head towards Jackie, I was suddenly exhausted…and hungry.
“I submitted a statement, and then Bill’s reps submitted statements about why you were in the hospital. They asked for privacy and for the fans support. We basically told them you were pregnant with Bill’s baby and that the stress of Josh’s accusations made you sick, but that you were home now on bed rest and that everyone was going to be ok.”
My stomach started growling. I was trying to focus on what she was saying, but I was starting to crave pickles.
“The media seemed to lay off trashing your name and took our word for it. Josh hasn’t said anything for a few days, and the lawyers haven’t gotten back to us about the slander charges.” Tom finished as he slid together two more crib side panels.
“So everything is smoothing out.” Bill finished as he patted my legs.
Pickles, that was all I could think about. Salmon sounded amazing, but then again, I could totally go for spaghetti right now too. Spaghetti and pickles.
“Jessi?” Bill was trying to read my expression. “Are you okay?”
“Do we have any pickles?”

Part 17

Bill and Tom were gaping at me when I looked up from my third plate of spaghetti.
“Did someone say we had pickles?” I looked around the countertop as my stomach growled again, then my eyes lit up and I looked excitedly at the twins, “Skittles! I want skittles so bad! Do we have any skittles?”
“Well, congratulations Bill, it’s definitely your child.” Tom slapped Bill on the back as Bill turned towards him with a glare.
“I can go get skittles.” Jac volunteered from the stove top. She was stirring another pot of spaghetti noodles.
Bill and Tom exchanged a glance.
“We will send out one of the temporary assistants, it’s okay Jac.” Bill smiled as she turned around with the spoon still in her hand.
“You sure, I totally don’t mind.” She looked like the perfect housewife with one hand on her hip, her cheeks rosy from the steam and a wooden spoon in her hand.
“We would rather you continue cooking our dinner since Jessi ate the entire first batch.” Tom smiled at me as took a bite of a pickle.
“Sowwy.” I said between crunches. I had to pee again. The twins watched me warily as I stood up and smoothed out my pajama pants.
“I will be right back, I have to go see a man about a horse.” I smiled at Jackie as she rolled her eyes. Bill eyed me warily but didn’t try following me out of the kitchen. Tom just looked uncomfortable.
I walked through the dining room and stopped when I heard movement in the living room. Deciding it was my imagination I continued my trek to the bathroom.
I felt edgy as I walked into the living room. I couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was watching me. I almost turned around and ran back into the kitchen but decided I was letting my imagination get the best of me. I trudged down the hallway and clicked on the bathroom light. I did my business and fixed a wayward hair or two in the mirror before washing my hands and stepping back into the hallway.
I saw him lunge out of the hallway shadows out of the corner of my eye, but he had his hand over my mouth before I could get a full scream out. One hand covered my mouth and nose and another wrapped around my mid section, lifting me off the ground. I was being half carried, half dragged towards the doors at the end of the hallway, the doors that led outside. I threw my head from side to side in a desperate attempt to break his hold, I couldn’t breathe with his tight grip over my nose and mouth. I tried shrieking with my mouth closed and kicking my legs. I hit nothing but air. Then I brought my feet down as hard as I could into his legs, nailing him in the shins. I heard him grunt and his grip loosened on my face. I sucked in a deep breath and screamed as loud as I could before he recovered his grip.
“You shouldn’t have done that you little b*tch.” A rough voice raked across my ear. My heart was pounding in my chest as I realized I recognized the Russian accent. I heard shouts from the kitchen. The outside chill hit my back as my captor pulled me through the door and wrenched my struggling form towards a car in the driveway. I kicked and struggled against his grip with all my might but he opened the door, and shoved me in. I frantically pulled at the door handles as Bill and Tom ran outside just in time to watch the car drive away.
I was still pulling at the door handles and trying to roll down the window in the car when a large pair of hands pulled mine from the door.
“You’re just going to hurt yourself trying. Stay put.” I looked up into the eyes of the Russian security escort that took me to meet Bill so many months ago. I was trembling all over.
“I’m pregnant. Please just stop the car and let me out. Please.” I was desperately trying not to start crying as I looked back at him. I instinctively put my hand to my abdomen.
“We aren’t going far. Just relax. We will take you home in no time.” He gave me his best fake smile, but I didn’t feel any better. I didn’t believe a word he was saying.
“I thought you worked for Bill. Why are you doing this? Where are you taking me?” I was mentally trying to do some breathing exercises to keep myself calm. I was supposed to be on bed rest, not getting kidnapped!
“Don’t worry about it. It won’t be long till you are reunited with your husband.” The way he said husband made my heart drop a little. He wasn’t referring to Bill.
“My husband?” I gulped.
“Yes, we are picking him up to. Your flight leaves in an hour. You can’t imagine how difficult it was to get all of this set up for you.” He smiled back at me.
A feeling of dread overtook me. A flight? My husband? Reunited? He was completely delusional! I was trying my best not to have a full on anxiety attack. I had to think of the baby. The baby. I dropped my eyes to my belly and tried to calm myself. Think of the baby, think of the baby.
He stopped the car about an hour later at an abandoned warehouse in the countryside. I tried to ignore the feeling of dread that lurked in my stomach. I was in the middle of nowhere, with a delusional ex-bodyguard who thought this was an airport where I was supposed to meet my husband. I gave a silent prayer as he ushered me out of the car.
“Don’t try anything stupid now, we just have to get in the terminal and then you and your husband can catch your flight.” He looked wildly from side to side as he ushered me towards the old rustic doors of the warehouse. He moved one hand from side to side as if he was pushing back a crowd.
“The paparazzi knew we would be here.” He mumbled to himself as he continued to push back the pretend crowd. I continued praying as he wrenched open the doors. Even if I made a run for it, there was nowhere for me to go. All I could do was hope that someone would find me, soon.
There was a small table and couch set up in the warehouse. The interior was actually decorated and it appeared that someone had been living here.
“This is your terminal miss. Just wait here, your husband will be here soon.” He ushered me over to the couch and sat me down. I looked around to see if there was a phone, or anything I could use to tell someone where I was.
We sat in silence for a good fifteen minutes after I sat down. He stood stalk still staring down at the table with a blank expression on his face while I tried to keep myself calm. Both of our heads shot up at the sound of tires in the driveway.
“Your husband is here.” He stated matter of factly. He went back to staring at the table.
“My husband?” I watched the door in dread as I heard footsteps approaching. My heartbeat was coming in sporadic flutters.
My mouth fell open when the door opened.
Part 18

“Josh?!” I stood up in astonishment as my low life ex-boyfriend walked in the door.
“Honey!” He exclaimed as he walked forward with outstretched arms.
I waited until he was about to wrap his arms around me before I decked him. He staggered back, anger crossing his features as he realized what just happened. The bodyguard was still staring at the table.
Josh whipped his head up and glared at me. “I can see you are going to make this difficult, honey.” He practically spat the word at me as he walked forward again. I cowered at the malice on his face. He stopped reaching for me when I recoiled.
“Jessi, you know I wouldn’t actually hurt you.” He whispered, feigning concern at my fear.
“Josh I am pregnant, and you are endangering my child with your shenanigans. I am supposed to be on bed rest! What are you doing?” I threw my hands up as the anger got the best of me. I turned my head as tears welled in my eyes and looked around the warehouse before glaring back at him. I had to keep my hormones under control if I was going to negotiate my release.
“I know you want me. I know you are only with him because you can’t be with me. You wouldn’t return my phone calls, so I had to take matters into my own hands.” Josh was pleading with me now. He was rubbing his chin with one hand and cautiously reaching for me with his other.
“Josh, I don’t want anything to do with you. I want Bill. I love Bill. You forfeited any right to be with me when you slept with Holly. We have barely spoken since I left you. This is crazy. Josh, this is kidnapping! And what are you talking about ‘I ignored your phone calls?’ You have never called me.” I was shrinking away as he walked towards me now, slapping at his hand as he reached for me. He was stalking me across the warehouse, like a predator plays with its prey.
“Jessi, I made a huge mistake. I see that now. I know you are only making up this pregnant story. You love me. I know you love me. You always loved me, no matter what you always loved me. I have been calling your house for the past few days begging to meet with you, but they wouldn’t let me talk to you.” He had walked me into a corner now. I didn’t really know where I could go to escape him, I looked around desperately for an escape route. Then I saw the bathroom.
Josh reached up and stroked my cheek. I tried not to vomit.
“Jess, you know I love you. Just relax.” My eyes widened as he leaned forward, closing the gap between our bodies and pushing me against the wall. I instinctively pushed against his chest with my hands and turned my head.
“Josh, I have to pee. Where is the bathroom?” He sighed, completely caught off guard by my request.
“Over there.” He pointed to the far side of the warehouse towards a door that sat ajar. “We can continue this conversation when you get done.” He glanced me once over before he turned away and strode over to the couches. I breathed a shaky sigh of relief as I walked to the bathroom. I closed the door and slid the latch across the lock. I would never fit through the tiny window above the toilet. I stepped up, trying to ignore my shaking limbs and tried prying the slider open. It budged an inch. I pushed again with all my might. Another inch. I sighed. This was going to take a while…I looked down at the sink and got an idea. I squirted the soap along the seams of the window. It wasn’t WD-40, but it was better than nothing. Then I started wrenching at the window again. Another four inches, it was halfway open when I heard a knock on the door.
“Everything okay in there?” I hear Josh call through the door. He was jiggling the handle.
“Yeah, yeah everything is fine. Just a little indigestion.” I rolled my eyes as he jiggled the handle again.
“I will be out in a minute.” My heart was racing. I might have to abandon my attempt and come back in a while for round two. I stepped down from the toilet and flushed the handle for authenticity.
I stepped out and walked past Josh without looking up. Hopefully he wouldn’t go in the bathroom and see the window half open. I said a silent prayer and walked towards the couches, hoping he would follow me.
I breathed a sigh of relief when he sat down next to me.
“We need to talk this through.” He was looking at me eagerly. “I know we can work through this, we can work through anything.”
“Josh, I love Bill. I don’t love you. At all…I am having Bill’s baby. What you are doing is illegal and I want you to take me home.” I pleaded with him, putting as much emphasis as I could on Bill’s name.
“Now you are just being ridiculous.” He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “I am trying to reason with you. To tell you my feelings and you can’t even be open minded.”
I stared at him dumbfounded. He had lost his mind. I looked back over to the Russian, who looked back up at me from the table.
“Your husband is here.” He mumbled absent-mindedly before staring back at the table.
I looked back at Josh in horror. I mouthed ‘is he ok?’ and pointed at the Russian.
Josh just kinda rolled his eyes, then made a motion to indicate a head injury. Great. I was stuck in a remote warehouse with my delusional ex-boyfriend and a brain-dead ex-bodyguard. Fantastic.
“Are you hungry? I made sure there were provisions here. I remembered how much you loved wheat thins.” Josh stood up and walked over to a wall of cabinets. It was the first time I noticed that the warehouse actually had a full kitchen.
“No, thank you.” My stomach growled in protest. I sighed, “Yeah, wheat thins sound great, do you have any water?” I watched Josh pour me a glass of water and pull out a box of wheat thins. I popped one in my mouth as he sat down on the couch across from me.
“Look. I know I messed up with the whole Holly thing. I made a mistake. I am not perfect. But think about what we are throwing away before you run off and marry some guy for his money.” Josh was pleading earnestly as I tried not to choke on my cracker.
“Josh, wow, first of all, I am not marrying Bill for his money. I love him. Second, yeah, you really messed up and I could never trust you again after what you did. Also, that whole fiasco made me realize I was in love with a lie. I moved here to escape you. I want nothing to do with you. What you are doing right now is called kidnapping. You kidnapped me and my unborn child, and you are holding me against my will. I want to go home. The cops are probably looking for you, and if you take me home right now I won’t press charges.” I tried keeping my voice from shaking as I finished my speech.
Josh looked down at the table in silence. It seemed like forever before he looked back up at me, with tears in his eyes. I watched indignantly as one rolled silently down his cheek. He wiped a hand across his quivering chin then looked back down at his feet again.
“Holly left me cause I am still in love with you, and now you want to marry another man.” His voice was shaking and he looked like a lost little boy.
“Josh, I am sorry. I am sorry, but I don’t love you. Maybe you can still work things out with Holly.” I felt sorry for him as I watched him cry on the sofa. He looked so lost, so utterly lost in himself.
“You don’t love me.” He was sobbing now, wiping his nose on his sleeve like a child. I finished my glass of water. It was dark outside now, and the only light in the warehouse was coming from the soft low lights he had on in the kitchen. They left dark shadows across his face as he looked back at me.
“No Josh, I don’t love you.” I straightened in my seat, clutching my empty glass of water.
Josh stood up and walked to the room across from the sitting area. I hadn’t noticed but it appeared to be a bedroom. He had stopped crying and was cleaning up his face. He disappeared in the room for a few minutes before returning.
“The beds in through that door, I will take the couch. But tomorrow night we sleep together, I am only granting you your personal space tonight so you can think about what you’ve done.” He pointed to the door he just came from and motioned for me to go to bed. “We can talk about this more tomorrow.”
I stood up, stunned by his sudden change in demeanor. I walked to the bedroom to find a blowup mattress on the floor in the corner. I tossed the blankets across the bed and sat down. I looked around to see if there was a window I could get to, but the closest window was a good 12 feet in the air. I sighed in defeat. My only hope of escape was the tiny bathroom window. I only hoped that Josh would fall asleep soon so I could attempt to open it again without any interruptions.
I leaned back against my make shift bed and wrapped my hands across my tummy.
“If I can escape the paparazzi I can escape my idiotic ex-boyfriend. Somehow.” I whispered to the ceiling. His words lingered on my mind as I stared at the ceiling, ‘tomorrow night we sleep together.’ A chill swept across my arms and I pulled the blankets closer.