Once upon a time a girl slapped someone in the face with her ass. True story.

Once upon a time there was a girl who liked to go climbing at the gym. On a particularly crowded day at the gym she decided to try a really hard climbing route - she felt like she needed something new, something exciting. So she put her harness on, conned one of the guys into working the safety rope for her and started up the route. Meanwhile, on the route next to hers there was a boy who was innocently standing at the base of the wall. As she meandered her way up the fake rock she lost her holding and fell, and being the clumsy - I mean graceful, swan-like creature that she is - she fumbled and didn't grab the wall to hold her in place. Instead she started swinging loosely from the rope back and forth like a retarded chimpanzee.

Her rope handler called out a warning to the man at the base of the wall, "HEADS UP!"

But alas, it was too late because as he looked up in surprise, HER ASS COLLIDED with his face. To make matters worse, she was wearing a chalk bag, which upon contact with his face emptied its contents...

It was then that she died of embarrassment.

The end.

For my siblings.

God, I miss you so damn much

I can’t find the words to say

But I know I would do anything

If I could just be with you all today,

They tell me to rope the moon

And I always find a way,

But it doesn’t matter what I accomplish

When my family is a million miles away.

Dearest siblings,

I just want you to know,

That there is nothing more in this world

Than the love for you I’ve grown.

There is no surpassing it,

There’s no way to quantify,

Just know that my love comes

In an endless supply.

All I know is my heart swells so wide

When I think of the years that are passing us by

I remember watching you both grow

So I’m writing you this poem

So that you’ll always know,

That even though I’m 2300 miles away

I think of you every minute of every single day

And every second that I am gone,

Is another second far too long.

All Around Me

I am in love with this song. It makes me want to stand in my underwear while rain streaks down my bedroom window painting a canvas with dramatic green paint. Don't ask me WHERE that came from, because I DON'T have the answer! :)